happy Chicken wing on Scifi Sunday

China Town - New York City
Image by Nick Bowers via Flickr

Euna Ling hated the way the half starved, hungry look seemed to alter some of the customer’s faces when they pushed their way through the door of the Happy Chicken wing, All You Can Eat Buffet located On Mott Street in China town. The constant jingling of the bell over the door was close to driving her insane. She worked as a cashier, Monday through Friday from 11am to 6 pm covering both lunch and even worse, the early dinner crowd!

All in all, the job wasn’t too bad, all she had to do was take money, smile, make change, direct people towards the general direction of the food, after that they were on their own. It was just recently that she had become increasingly disturbed by the throngs of people waiting in the front lobby, pushing to the front, trying to be the first to rush through the cafeteria style lines.

The red crushed velvet carpet was threadbare from the steady flow of customers. This was the first 24 hour buffet in town, and The happy Chicken wing was turning quite a profit.

The only enjoyment she really got, was making up the sayings for the <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fortune_cookie&#8221; title=”Fortune cookie” rel=”wikipedia”>fortune cookies</a>, hand writing them and inserting them at the end of the night.

“If you get struck by lightning, cancel your charge accounts.”

“The world may be your oyster, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get its pearl.”

“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”

“man who goes to bed with stiff problem, wakes up with solution in hand.”

“If you want the rainbow, you suffer the rain.”

A look of gluttonous greed glowed in pair after pair of eyes……paying the 5.75 + tax for the “All You Can Eat Buffet. Some pronounced the word as “boo-fay” and this irritated her more then the ones that pronounced the “T” at the end of the word! Clazy Amelicans.

She smiled her most pleasant smile, took the 5, 10 and 20 dollar bills from sweaty palms and counted out change. She said “enjoy your mear” but nobody ever heard her, as soon as they snatched the change from her hand they were off! She was glad that the owner was harvesting feral cats, and kept them fed in the dark alley ways between the rice shops. The frozen carcasses of cats and dogs could be found in the meat lockers in the basement.

Quick as a bolt of lightening, customers started piling up the three sectioned, cream colored hard plastic plates with Jing du spare ribs, fried wonton, spring rolls, shrimp rolls, lomein, chow mein, Moo goo Gai Pan, more then anyone person should eat in an entire week let alone a 60 minute visit to a restaurant. The dessert table was even worse when whiny, snot nosed children got done poking all the pastries, rice cookies and pies, with booger crusted fingers turning the soft serve ice cream machine off and on, off and on, leaving melting mounds of chocolate vanilla twist ice cream melting on the metal surface.

She even caught some customers sneaking food into plastic containers to take home. This was strictly prohibited by management of course, but when she complained to her shift manager, (a 22 year old, dishwater blond, a guy by the name of Clay)he had only snarled at her through clenched teeth, his face red and sweaty, “quit your bitching and just get the egg foo young tray filled back up.”

Later on she found out he used to masturbate into the four seasons surf and turf.

It was beyond disgusting. Coming back for seconds, thirds, and sometimes fourth helpings too, she noticed through greasy, smacking lips, bits of steamed broccoli or stir fried chicken, fish or beef clinging to gums and razor sharp teeth. This often reminded her of piranhas or wild predators, out for a kill. She often worried that if she stood in one place too long someone might try to pile her up on a plate and pick her bones clean!

It was no small wonder then, that she decided to poison them all, on that hot, humid new York City summer day. Each and every person that wandered into the Happy Chicken wing All You Can Eat Buffet was greeted with a smile, not knowing that the mono sodium glutamate was exchanged for a much deadlier white powder.

She smiled the biggest smile, and told everyone, “Wercome, enjoy much food, Manja, Bona Petite, you rucky amelicans.”

Hot temperatures of 106 degrees steamed the New York City” rel=”geolocation”>New York City side walk, as the establishment baked a lot of metropolitan native Brains, all the while,  Euna ling happily stuffed the fortune cookies with the day’s fortune:

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok” rel=”geolocation”>Bangkok.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

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