I love Maryland Blue Crabs

May 30, 2010 at 1:20 am | Posted in spiritual rantings | 1 Comment

Ilove Maryland blue Crabs
” Pssst hey you… ” said the crusty looking guy in the alley. He must’ve been from Alaska….

I looked around the corner a bit confused. ” I thought I heard you were looking for some of that outlawed Shell fish This month,”

he gave me a discusting barnicle ridden grin, teeth rotting in the gums. The stench was more unpleasent then the fisherman’s wharf on a hot summer’s day.

“UGh… yeah.. I was looking for some of that. ” I said cautiously.

” well come here.. are you crazy asking for that in public?”

I couldn’t believe this barnacle was trying to admonish me for asking when he was the one dealing. Opening his long dark green rain slicker I almost barfed. The stench that hit me was worse then his breath. The curse of the depths they called that stench. It only happened when suddenly everything died in a patch of ocean and floated to the surface to pollute the air as well as water. ” Well… I need some crabs,” my eyes lit up as I saw the lobster hanging from just underneath his arm pit,” Great god Chu hulu… is that a lobster? A rock lobster?!” That has to be
the deadliest catch!”

I spoke a little too loud for his comfort, snapping the coat shut he grabbed a broom and started to sweep. I looked around, there wasn’t even a soul passing by on the street. Whispering from the corner of his mouth, 2000…” I gasped and stared at him. “2000 clams for some crabs and a lobster,” I asked flabergasted, had the world gone nuts…?

” No… 1000 for the lobster, another 1000 for ten crabs,” he laughed at himself and nodded, leaning on the broom now. I noticed his callouse narled claws as he waited for my answer. The thought of knocking him over, taking what I wanted and running was tempting. The crab was a good foot shorter then me and clearly insane. Although his insanity had nothing to do with my ability to push him over.

“I… I can’t pay that much man. But I really nead that stuff… what about 200 dollars and my first born sacrificed in your name?”

I couldn’t handle being so near to what I needed without tasting it.

” No deal..,” He started to push that broom, walking away from me. I pulled the curved dagger and nut cracker from the back of my pants, jumping on him. The blade slid over his throat. Pulling open his coat I realized they were all rancid! That smell.. that smell was the festering maggots that grew just under the carapace. My temper and composer all ready lost… I jumped on the body stabbing it over and over till there was nothing but a soft lump of white meat where his chest had been. Laughing manically I walked out of the alley, a smirk on my lips, hair a little ruffled and clothing soaked in melted drawn butter….

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